by BISHOP KOSHIN OGUI
Buddhist Churches of America

I first arrived in the U.S. about 46 years ago, in October of 1962. After arriving, I underwent training at Berkeley Buddhist Church and then four months later was assigned to the Hongwanji Betsuin in Los Angeles. I was 23.

The building in which I lived is now a Japanese American museum, but back then I lived on the third floor.

During the mornings, I was in English school and then my daily duties started in the afternoon at a temple called Betsuin.

It was my first time to come across Japanese Americans, people whose faces were as Japanese as mine but who didn’t speak Japanese.

I had never encountered such people before and it was bewildering for me.

I was overwhelmed with my duties at the temple in funerals and Buddhist services and also with clerical work (sticking documents in envelopes, etc.).

In the process of dealing with all that, I began to question what my purpose was. Why had I come to America?

I became somewhat despondent and pitiful.

I had come to the U.S. determined to teach about Buddhism to Caucasians, and yet I hardly ever met any.

That didn’t mean I was getting any better at speaking English to Japanese Americans. I began to lose confidence in my abilities.

Then one day, it was decided that I would give a Buddhist sermon at Sunday services at the Sun Valley Temple. And there was just no escaping it. So first I wrote my sermon in Japanese and then I translated it into English.

Then I had one of my Nisei sempais — or seniors — correct it and record it for me on a tape recorder. Before getting up in the morning I would listen to it in bed and then once more at night before going to sleep.

I did this over and over, even one night when I was drunk, and eventually I memorized it.
So that Sunday came and I was there before the congregation standing in front of some kids. I was very nervous and it was all I could do to read out loud what I had written. I even skipped lines every now and then. I was so nervous.

My eyes became glued to the paper and I stopped looking at the kids in front of me, so they got bored and became unruly. Now, kids are honest, and one of them said without even blinking, “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

Without even considering the fact that I had come from Japan. I became embarrassed and even more disgusted with myself.

I had liked English! I studied it in junior high, high school, and college. So I wondered, what happened? I became very insecure.

Why didn’t people understand my English? I realized that I lacked ability and experience, and that there were also some problems with the English education I was receiving at the time (about 45 years ago).

For one thing, I was learning English words while pronouncing them in Japanese. For example, to remember the English word for the third month of the year (March), there was a phrase, “Let’s wait for March (Maachi-masho).” As that kid clearly pointed out, saying English words with Japanese pronunciations wasn’t cutting it.

Added to that language handicap was the fact that I was dealing with a different culture, customs, and lifestyle and on top of it all, I was homesick.

It’s no wonder that I was a nervous wreck. That’s probably why I got into a car accident, got in a fight with my boss, and got thrown out of the Betsuin temple.

But now I know that all of these difficult paths I had to walk were part of how I learned about Buddhism.

In a way, it was all a part of my ascetic training. And so it is with everyone and their respective paths, I believe. So take heart, and embrace your experiences, no matter how difficult they may be.

Gassho

Translated by Lefteris Kafatos