by BISHOP KOSHIN OGUI
Buddhist Churches of America

When I was working under the auspices of Socho after my car accident, my body went limp again and I collapsed. When I came to, I was in a ward of the neurology department in a San Francisco University Hospital.

It was a large room filled with patients who all had brain injuries of some sort. There were people with their heads strapped down, and others who let out painful groans. When I thought I was finally going to go insane, I was seized with fear and anxiety. I was 23 at the time.

I thought of contacting my parents in Japan but thought better of it, not wanting to make them worry. I became gripped with an ever-increasing feeling of loneliness and a sense of isolation, and tears welled up in my eyes. When it came time for them to run tests on me, I signed some forms but they were all in English so I didn’t know what I had signed. Then they injected something into my spine and I screamed.

After that I was in a daze and I don’t know how many days passed. At one point I gazed through tears at a single blurry rose on my pillow. I murmured the following words in a daze: “The flower blossoms quietly, and quietly scatters away. It never returns to its branch but when it fades, it entrusts itself completely there. It is the voice of a single flower, and the fruit of a single branch. There is no regret there. The life of a flower sparkles.” I thought, My life too might scatter and fade away one day...

Then I awoke with start, startled to realize I was breathing. Looking around I realized — this person and that person, all of them are struggling to live. That reminded me that the nurses and the doctors and so many others were struggling to save my life, and the tears welled up again. I felt gratitude for the life I was given and I prayed. I prayed and was prayed for. It was a profound experience for me.

What has become clear to me now that I’m 68 years old is that every single day, when things are good and you feel fine, you need to remember to be awed by life. Whatever is going on, whether you’re listening to people speak or reading something in a book, that is important above all things. Otherwise, when the chips are down, you might not feel a thing.

Is it difficult for us to realize that the fact we are alive, that we are given a life to live, is due to the sacrifices of things and people around us?

Gassho

Translated by Lefteris Kafatos